This page is dedicated to help my fellow survivors of narcissistic parents.
Only by embracing the truth of our past histories can any of us hope to be free of pain in the present. -Alice Miller
Narcissistic personality disorder is a real thing and it causes real damage, especially when inflicted throughout the formative years of innocent children who look to their parents for love and support. While there are countless forms of narcissistic abuse I am qualified through experience only to speak of the narcissistic parental relationship, which is what I am sharing with you here.
Below I share the resources and tools that have been most effective in helping me throughout my own healing journey. I hope they’ll serve as a light to you as well. As a fellow survivor, I empathize tremendously with your plight, which is why I have offered these trusted resources to help. However, I am not professionally equipped to offer individual help. For that I urge you to contact a therapist, ideally one who specializes in narcissism to walk with you on your healing journey.
Visit my Pinterest board: Unsentenced | Silent All These Years
20 Common Terms In The World Of Narcissism It’ll probably help to become familiar with these as most of the articles refer to them.
10 Signs Of A Narcissistic Parent
The Narcissistic Parent And The Effect On The Child
How Being Raised By A Narcissist Damages Your Life And Self-Esteem
Why are many of the most successful people plagued by feelings of emptiness and alienation? Far too many of us had to learn as children to hide our own feelings, needs, and memories skillfully in order to meet our parents’ expectations and win their “love.” Alice Miller writes, “When I used the word ‘gifted’ in the title, I had in mind neither children who receive high grades in school nor children talented in a special way. I simply meant all of us who have survived an abusive childhood thanks to an ability to adapt even to unspeakable cruelty by becoming numb… Without this ‘gift’ offered us by nature, we would not have survived.” But merely surviving is not enough. The Drama of the Gifted Child helps us to reclaim our life by discovering our own crucial needs and our own truth.
In The Truth Will Set You Free Miller returns to the intensely personal tone and themes of her best-loved work. Only by embracing the truth of our past histories can any of us hope to be free of pain in the present, she argues. Miller uses vivid true stories to reveal the perils of early-childhood mistreatment and the dangers of mindless obedience to parental will. Drawing on the latest research on brain development, she shows how spanking and humiliation produce dangerous levels of denial, which leads in turn to emotional blindness and to mental barriers that cut off awareness and the ability to learn new ways of acting. If this cycle repeats itself, the grown child will perpetrate the same abuse on later generations–a message vitally important, especially given the increasing popularity of programs like Tough Love and of “child disciplinarians” like James Dobson. The Truth Will Set You Free will provoke and inform all readers who want to know Alice Miller’s latest thinking on this important subject.
A self-help book based in science, the result of more than a decade of research, Daughter Detox offers the daughters of unloving mothers vital information, guidance, and real strategies for healing from childhood experiences, and building genuine self-esteem. Writer Peg Streep lays out seven distinct but interconnected stages on the path to reclaim your life from the effects of a toxic childhood: DISCOVERY, DISCERNMENT, DISTNGUISH, DISARM, RECLAIM, REDIRECT, and RECOVER. Each step is clearly explained, and richly detailed with the stories of other women, approaches drawn from psychology and other disciplines, and unique exercises. The book will help the reader tackle her own self-doubt and become consciously aware of how her mother’s treatment continues to shape her behavior, even today. The message of the book is direct: What you experienced in childhood need not continue to hold you back in life. What was learned can be unlearned with effort. There are stories to inspire and challenge your thinking, exercises that show you how to swap out self-criticism for self-compassion, guidance on how to use journaling as a tool of self-discovery and growth, and advice on goal setting. The author helps the reader to come up with a new definition of what it means to heal, suggests tools to overcome the obstacles she places in her own way, and strategies to become the best, most authentic version of herself.
The first book specifically for daughters suffering from the emotional abuse of selfish, self-involved mothers, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? provides the expert assistance you need in order to overcome this debilitating history and reclaim your life for yourself.
An estimated 1.5 million American women have narcissistic personality disorder, which makes them so insecure and overbearing, insensitive and domineering that they can psychologically damage their daughters for life. Daughters of narcissistic mothers learn that maternal love is not unconditional, and that it is given only when they behave in accordance with their mothers’ often unreasonable expectations and whims. As adults, these daughters consequently have difficulty overcoming their insecurities and feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, sadness, and emotional emptiness. They may also have a terrible fear of abandonment that leads them to form unhealthy love relationships, as well as a tendency to perfectionism and unrelenting self-criticism, or to self-sabotage and frustration. Warm and sympathetic, filled with the examples of women who have established healthy boundaries with their hurtful mothers, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? encourages and inspires you as it aids your recovery.
Dr. McBride also created a Narcissistic Mother Survey to help with clarity. You can take it free, here.
Drawn from research and the real-life experiences of adult daughters, Mean Mothers illuminates one of the last cultural taboos: what happens when a woman does not or cannot love her own daughter. Peg Streep, co-author of the highly acclaimed Girl in the Mirror, has subtitled this important, eye-opening exploration of the darker side of maternal behavior, “Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt.” There are no psychopathic child abusers in Mean Mothers. Instead, this essential volume focuses on the more subtle forms of psychological damage inflicted by mothers on their unappreciated daughters—and offers help and support to those women who were forced to suffer a parent’s cruelty and neglect.
Author Peg Streep’s Facebook page offers daily insights, inspiration, and empowerment.
A word of caution.
While you’re free to make your own choices about what speaks to you, there are two purported ‘experts’ I avoid based on experience and that of others. You can read more about who they are and understand why I sidestep their websites, books, and forums here and here. The authors of these two posts sum up my thoughts exactly so I’ll let them do the talking.
What Is To Be Desired?
Self-respect: To be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Love: To love the human beings that mean the most to me, and contribute to their lives if I can.
Peace of Mind: To avoid mistakes that make me regret the past or fear the future.
Involvement: Always to be tremendously interested.
Understanding: To incorporate the things, people and ideas that happen to me into a coherent concept of the world.
Freedom: To work at what interests me most, with minimum expenditure of time and energy on non-essentials.
-Isabel Briggs Myers